By Stephanie Licata

For most of my 20’s and 30’s a secret part of me was waiting for my life to “start.” This meant insta-husband and kids, thinking in my mind that this was the place where women begin to be who they are. Despite my many career accomplishments, rich friendships, and extended family relationships, there seemed to be something missing, even in the times I had serious boyfriends.

Last year, right after Thanksgiving a committed relationship abruptly ended. This was a man I thought I would wind up spending my life with, playing Savvy Auntie to his two children, and perhaps getting a chance to be a holiday magic maker. Losing the relationship was one thing – there are plenty of men out there. Losing the opportunity to share my natural ability with kids nearly broke my heart. It was the start of the holiday season and joy was the last thing on my mind.

In 2012 I did not decorate for Christmas, the holiday I celebrate. I secretly wished I could find an app on my phone that would double for Marty McFly and his time machine taking me to about January 5th or so. A Savvy Auntie has much to give, and without the space in her heart filled with home and family, the holidays can have the potential to create emptiness.

This year I decided that I was just not having that pit in my stomach. I may not have diapers to change or a house full of noise, but I have a home. I have a life. My life started a long time ago, and it was up to me to realize that.

I started off celebrating my third annual “Friendsgiving” with two of my oldest friends and their children. We laughed the night before Thanksgiving away and shared many special moments together.

On Black Friday, I traded doorbusters all in the name of décor! I decorated my cozy apartment for Christmas putting up a tree and unpacking years worth of special memories. As I was doing so, a magical thing happened. Amongst the Christmas decorations, I found a note from one of my former students from 2008. It read:

Dear Ms. Licata,

Merry Christmas! Thank you for your constant support and encouraging me these past four years. You have inspired me to reach for my dreams of being in the White House. I will carry your determined spirit with me throughout my life journey. When I think back to high school I will smile because I will remember all that you have done for me. Thank you!

Love,
Katie

Well first I cried and then said to myself: “This is totally a S-A-M: a Savvy Auntie moment!”

We don’t need “noise” around us to validate that our lives matter. We have made a difference. We have loved children. We have impacted their lives. There is love to go around, and there is much to celebrate.

I enjoy the children around me, those of my relatives and friends. I also spent that long 365 days post break-up in a most important long-term relationship ??? one with myself. I made many changes personally and professionally to be as devoted and dedicated to myself as I deserve to be. My heart is full, and I now am on the lookout for other SAM’s. I mean, a guy named Sam wouldn’t hurt either…. Share your Savvy Auntie Moment with an amazing group of women!

Stephanie Licata, ACC is an NYU and ICF professional certified coach. She is currently completing an MA in Social & Organizational Psychology at Columbia University. Along with being a coach for kids and adults, she is a seasoned speaker, small business consultant, and the Executive Director of Get Smart Mentoring. She is grateful for the many young people who have ignited and inspired her ever-evolving career.

Published: December 5, 2013